Posted by admin on July 24, 2011 under Breakup | 
Have you decided to leave your lover? Are you thinking about when to break up with this person? Well go no further we have a few tips which will help you on your way to terminate this relationship. The first thing you have to get in your mind is that breaking up is never easy for anyone. The main reasons why people find it difficult to decide when to end a relationship is because they don’t want to hurt their spouse; they are afraid of leaving that comfort zone and start from scratch; their partner is too violent or it never seem like the right time (E.g. partner has lost job etc).
Do not worry you are not the only one with these issues so you do not have to put it off indefinitely. By getting a few pointers it will be a lot easier than you can imagine.
What do I need to do before I leave?
The first thing you need to do before you decide when to break up your relationship is to get your entire act together. If you are living separately and don’t have common responsibilities then things will be easier. However, if you live together, have children together or you are married then there are things which will have to be put into place before anything happens.
This means that you have a plan for the worst case scenario. You do not have to buy a new home but you should have someplace to stay in the event you are ejected from your accommodations. Always have a back up strategy ready because no one knows exactly how the other person will react at that time. Calm and nice people worst side will come out when it is breaking up time. Therefore the best advice is to take your time and trash out every possible outcome.
I am ready now when should we break up?
The ideal time you would want to do it is when the two of you are alone so you can have the talk. Ending a relationship in a public place or when family or friends are around is not usually a good idea. This can cause the person to react different to when they are alone with you. Embarrassment and emotions tend to be at a peak in public. Therefore to avoid additional hurt and agony keep your relationship private and issues in a private place (it also shows you respect them).
The only time you should consider having other people around when breaking up with someone is if you have an abusive or violent spouse or lover. In this case you may need to bring a friend, family members or even police (extreme though). If you consider he or she may be too violent then consider the other ways you can leave them such as over the phone or a letter. This may be considered the cowardly way however you have to do what is best for you under the circumstances.
Other things which should be taken into consideration are break ups during a low period in your spouse’s life. Who would want to leave someone when a family member died or they lose their job? However if you made the decision prior or was in the process of making the decision it does not make sense to stop it completely. Everyone is human therefore if you do want to be there to support them that is fine however, do not let it drag on. If you do you will continually make an excuse to remain in a relationship you are unhappy with. It is best to give yourself a deadline.
For example his or her mother died today I will give the person two weeks to recover and then move on. Two weeks may seem too soon but if you leave it any longer it will become difficult for both of you in the end.
We are now at the end of our article on when to break up with someone. We hope you find it useful in making that decision sharply.
Related articles below:
reasons to break up
should we break up
Posted by admin on under Breakup |
In recent years there has been a change in the ways people break up a relationship. A relationship break up can be amiable or very nasty depending on a number of factors. One thing that is true it is never easy and usually very emotional. The emotional aspect is usually what causes the most problems. It can affect both persons equally although that is sometimes hard to believe. The person who is doing the breaking up usually does not want to hurt the other person. This is human nature and despite your need to part ways that doesn’t make saying goodbye any easier.
The person who is being dumped on the other hand is going to feel rejected, hurt, angry and all different kinds of emotions. He or she usually fights back by saying hurtful things or even being violent (even the quietest person can be quite aggressive during the end of the relationship). This is no surprise that persons try to find alternate ways to break up with someone other than the usual “we have to talk” scenario.These alternate ways to ending a relationship prevent you from facing the person you are leaving as well as injury especially when you are dealing with someone who is aggressive spouse (physically and emotionally abusive).
Should you take the cowardly road and not confront the person? The answer is yes if you believe the reaction of your spouse will put you in harms ways. Even if you bring a friend along there is a chance that he or she may be injured by your spouse if things get heated. Therefore we recommend you do what is best for you under the circumstance. This article’s purpose is to show you the various possibilities when you want to . We hope you are ready because some of these methods are cynical and manipulative.
Below is a list of the 10 most common ways that a person would break up with someone:
- Confronting your lover with the matter at hand: This is actually taking the bull by the horns and doing what you have to do. There is however a right way to approach this and a wrong way. When you are going to tell your spouse that you would like to end the relationship try to be open and honest without being hurtful (e.g. don’t be too blunt about it). List the good points of the person and try to wrap it up with why you don’t want to continue being involved any more. Expect certain reactions from your spouse such as aggression, hurt, asking the question why and even insults. This is normal because of the emotions involved in being rejected and losing someone they may care about. Although this is one of the best ways to break up because it is the right thing to do it is often the hardest on both parties because of what you have to deal with at the time.
Continue on to the next section
Part 1 2 3
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The question which starts the relationship break up ball rolling is should we break up or should we stay together? This thought is quite powerful and is the main contributor to the decision to break up. Remember that the thought that we should break up is different from the decision to break up. You can conclude that you should end the relationship with your spouse but for some reason or reasons you decide to remain in the relationship. The final decision to stay in a relationship although everything is telling you that you should leave can be attributed to a number of factors which are usually emotionally and financially based.
If you are in a relationship with someone and you are asking yourself “should we break up?” then there are things in the relationship which you are not satisfied with. In order to find your answer you need to weigh the pro and cons of the 
relationship and come to your own conclusion. There are many reasons to end a relationship and also to remain in one. There will be things which you can live with and others you won’t (e.g. a repeated cheater, sings of cheating etc). The question will be which direction the scale tips because each pro and con carry different weighs for different people (e.g. if you catch your spouse cheating that alone may tip the scale completely to leave). The most important thing is to concentrate on the real issues and not be distracted by the insignificant ones.
Should we break up because of the little annoying things my spouse does? No small and insignificant issues occur in all relationships (e.g. not being so tidy etc.). When someone is considering ending a relationship he or she may start to concentrate on these issues and bring them to the forefront of the relationship. This can result in nagging and complaining and this doesn’t benefit you or your partner one bit. The only thing it does is cause more problems in the relationship and lead you more to the decision to break up. Basically you are sabotaging the relationship and creating justifications to leave. What you should be concerned with is that apparently your feelings for your spouse have changed.
Before these small things were not an issue and would have been allowed. Therefore when you are considering the cons in the relationship consider the fact your feelings have changed instead of silly issues such as he leaves the toilet seat up etc. Always deal with the root of the problem not the symptoms. So you may be wondering, what if your partner is the one nagging and complaining? Is he or she asking themselves should we break up as well? The answer is quite obvious, yes it is possible that both of you think the relationship should end at the same time. Therefore do not be surprised that they tell you we should break up before you get your say.
As mentioned earlier there are many reasons which will cause someone to end a relationship; in this article “should we break up?” we will concentrate on the four main reasons to break up. These deal with some core issues which may lead to the decision. We intentionally avoided abusive relationships because that is a large topic on its own. There are additional reasons and information (including abusive relationships) in our article “reasons to break up” which you should look at as well. This article will cover all the reasons covered here but in more detail.
Are you ready for the main reasons which may tip the scale to end a relationship? Below are the four main reasons which will usually make you think you should break up with your partner:
- Cheater or cheating spouse: This is the number one reason for ending a relationship. It is not only the fact that you catch the cheater but also the consequences that comes from an affair. These are diseases, lack in trust, repeated affairs, hurt and other issues. Some relationships will never recover after infidelity mainly due to trust issues. The faithful partner will always be looking for signs of cheating and many arguments will arise. It sometimes leaves both partners in this situation to wonder, should we break up?
- Lack of commitment: If you don’t believe that your spouse is serious about the relationship you may want to find someone who is. People have been in relationships for years and they can’t move to the next level. No one wants to be a relationship that is considered to be in a dead end.
- Sexual incompatibility: Should we break up because my partner is not great in the sack or worst yet does not want to have sex? The answer to that question depends on you. However there are somethings you can consider before leaving such as talking about the problem or seeking help. Sometimes your spouse may have a genuine problem.
- Loss of love or feelings: Over time feelings change for the better or worst it can occur due to a number of reasons such as someone else, your spouse habits becoming intolerable, incompatibility, cheater etc. Whatever the reason may be you are no longer happy to be with your spouse. Your eyes may start to wonder out there because you see examples of people in love and also interesting people who you could be involved with. This can also be the seed for an affair in a relationship and more problems.
As mentioned earlier there are things you can live with and others you can’t. The list above provided contains the four main things that you may not be able to live with, and there will be others (such as abusive relationship etc). Those were the cons of being in the relationship. Now we move on to the pros but with a twist. Instead of stating the possible pros we actually created questions which will spark reasons to remain in the relationship. If the answers to most of these are negative then your scale will be tilting towards breaking up. Below are the questions which will spark reasons for remaining in the relationship:
- Are your feelings for the person and the relationship still there?
- Do you think the person cares for you as much as you do for them?
- Are there any other factors which will make you want to stay (such as family, etc)?
- Do you think he or she would be faithful to you from now on? (for those dealing with a cheater or cheating partner)
- Do you think you can forgive them and move on? (this deals with a cheater or cheating spouse)
- Are you willing to give your all and do you think your partner will as well (to work around your differences)?
We hope now that your thoughts were stimulated and that you can better answer the question “should we break up?”. You may even be thinking to yourself now, why should we break up when there is more value in remaining in the relationship. That is fine because this article is not to make you end a relationship but to look at the possibilities and make a good decision. It is time now for you to weigh the pros and cons and determine where you should be in terms of your relationship. Should we break up or should we stay together?
Posted by admin on under Breakup |
The best relationship break up advice is to make a decision and follow through with it. This is far more difficult than it sounds unless there are no feelings in the relationship at all. A break up is usually difficult and can affect the person who is ending the relationship just as much as the person on the other end.
Some people think that the decision to leave is simply waking up one morning and making the decision, or during a heated battle between spouses someone says it is over. That is usually far from the truth, it usually starts with a single thought “should we break up” or “is this working?” and then snowballs. If you are not careful then you can make the wrong decision and regret it later. This article’s purpose is to offer the best relationship break up advice so you can make an informed decision and do it right the first time.
Circumstances such as catching your spouse cheating will really make you question whether to continue with the relationship or to end it. It sometimes pushes you to break off the relationship immediately however this is usually not the best approach. Like in any decision you should never make it when angry and worst yet before you think things through. Many people who do this end back in the sack with the same person and the cycle continues. As mentioned earlier when you make a decision you should follow through but it really helps when you know for certain it was the right one to make.
So what should you consider before you decide to break up your relationship?
Your main concern should be whether you really want to end this union or not. This may seem funny but many times we make decisions without really knowing what we really want to do. If you do not know what to do then the best thing is to hold off on the decision. This does not mean stretching it out as long as possible but giving yourself sometime to take everything into consideration.
Balance the pros and cons of the relationship and consider realistically if it can work or not. For example if he or she is abusive this is what you may have to live with for the rest of your life. Once you are honest with yourself then you will know what to do. Even if it means later down the road the relationship breaks up because let’s face it there are other factors which can hinder you from leaving immediately. Once you have finally decided that this is what you want then it is time to put it into action.
What is the best way to leave?
There really is no best way to end a relationship it really depends on the person you are dealing with. For example if dealing with an abusive and ill tempered person it will be best to terminate things with a friend around or sometimes with a Dear John letter. Remember, your safety is paramount and you do not want to put yourself at risk. On the other hand if the person is your average person then the best way to do it will be face to face. Leave everything amiably but expect them to sometimes bite back in the form of saying nasty things or begging for one last chance. In these scenarios you must be strong and stick with what you decided.
Remember at the time of a break up people will say anything for you to stay however it is usually a matter of time before he or she goes back to their old routine. Therefore as mentioned earlier the best relationship break up advice is to make that decision and stick with it right through.
If you would like to read more on this topic then we recommend taking a look at the break up blue print which has everything you need to know about terminating a union. For more details 
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What is relationship addiction you may be wondering? Well someone who is a relationship addict has a dependency of being involved with someone because they believe it will bring them happiness and also make them complete. Therefore he or she usually will do anything to ensure the other person is happy in order to maintain that union. It is okay to put effort into your partnership however usually it should be 50/50 (or close to) instead of a 90/10 balance. If one person is giving most of the time then there is a serious off balance and is usually an indicator of this type of addiction.
The root to this problem usually lies in the low self esteem or a low feeling of self worth of the individual. This mindset usually develops as the person is growing up over time. How they see and perceive relationships as they grow up play an important role. People who grow up in broken homes or who was the outsider as a child growing up are more vulnerable to relationship addiction. In other words the bonds which were not present as a child they try to acquire or maintain by overcompensating.
As you should be able to reason by now, the greatest fears of someone suffering from relationship addiction is being alone or abandoned. In other words being single will be accessed as being unhappy. It is no surprise to note that women are more likely to be in this position than men. This is because this type of addiction is heavily emotionally based and women are typically more emotional than their male counterpart. This coupled with their natural disposition of being a child bearer puts them on the top of the list. For example many women who biological clock is coming close to an end tend to work harder at keeping their relationships together.
If you want a family and time is running out you will tend to take more from your partner than in the earlier years. Therefore you may compromise with an abusive or detrimental union simply because you have failed in your earlier years to keep a partner. This is why you would find that someone who is addicted to being in a relationship will never be the one to end it. Although, there may be more than enough reasons to leave the relationship but the person just can’t. If you are in such a situation then you should take a look at our article on the symptoms of relationship addiction. This will give you a quick diagnosis to help you find out whether you are a victim of this type of addiction.
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When it comes time to decide whether to end a relationship you start to consider the reasons to break up or stay together. Weighing the pros and cons of the relationship will definitely put you in a better position to make a decision.
At the end of the day a break up is something which can possibly affect you the rest of your life so it should be done with a lot of thought. Although you might think that you have a good reason to break up with someone at the time, later down the road you may look back and regret the whole thing.
This feature today is not to tell you whether to leave your spouse or not but to give you some incite to why people are breaking up in general. It may or may not help you in the decision but at the end of the day you must make a choice which you can live with.
Today we will be looking at the 10 main reasons with some explanations on each point. This starts below with:
Cheating spouse or lover: Infidelity is the top reasons to break up a relationship today. When you catch your spouse cheating you have two options. You can either end the relationship or remain and try to work things out. Ending the relationship is sometimes an easier route to take because it is difficult to keep a good relationship after infidelity. This is because the attitudes towards the relationship usually change. Therefore you will see a number of issues arising such as trust issues (partner always looking for signs of cheating), feelings issues, depression and general conflict.
Someone else: A third party is always a strong reason for someone ending a relationship. This does not necessarily mean that an affair has occurred although usually it does. It can be just that your relationship was failing. As a result it is easier for someone else to spark your lover’s interest and he or she may want to pursue a relationship with this person.
Lack of Commitment (no future): Everyone have goals in life and this is no different with relationships. If your goals in a particular relationship are to get married, have children and generally move to the next level then your spouse or lover should be there as well. It does not necessarily mean you have to get married tomorrow but have a plan. If you don’t a have a plan then you are giving your partner reasons to break up with you.
Change in feelings (loss of love): People feelings in a relationship can change for a number of reasons as time goes on. It can be for the better of the relationship or the detriment. Some catalyst to this change are events such as change in lifestyle or an instant of infidelity. Sometimes it is possible to recover but other times it is very difficult to remain together.
Sexual Incompatibilty: He wants it all the time and she doesn’t. Does this sound familiar to you? Everyone needs a minimum amount of sexual gratification in order to be happy in their relationship. When couples have highly contrasted sex drives it can become a problem or the center of arguments. It is not just the physical aspect of sex but also emotional side. If you are not getting it you will wonder if your lover is no longer attracted to you or worst getting it from someone else.
Abusive relationship: Abuse can be either physical or emotional. This usually leads to depression and a yearning to end the partnership. Some times leaving immediately is not possible due to circumstances however the person at the bad end of the stick will break up with you as soon as the opportunity arises.
Continuous nagging and complaining (comparing you to other): No one like a nag or a complainer and usually in the beginning of a relationship nothing is an issue. Later down the road issues are not handled with the tack as with the initial stages and this can leave one of the parties in a state of misery.
Lack of trust: Trust and communication are some of the fundamental blocks of a relationship. Trust is usually earned over time and can be lost in an instance. Trust issues usually occurs after an event. Some events which can cause a lack of trust are lies, infidelity, flirting, realising he or she is a past cheater (cheated in other relationships) etc. Typically trust issues is usually an underlying reason to break up with someone.
Lack of communication: As mentioned earlier communication is the other fundamental building blocks of any union. If there no communication between partners then usually there will be outside with an external person or persons. This is the majority of time where the problem lie when the friendship turn to more than just that.
Outrageous bad habits: Everyone has one or two bad habits such as leaving the toilet seat up etc. There are some habits which can be over board. These are habits such as extremely poor hygiene, drugs, alcohol abuse etc. If you are with someone who basic habits are not inline with yours then it is more compelling to leave.
This is the end of our little chat on the reasons for breaking up with someone. It should open up your eyes to some of the circumstances faced by persons on a day by day basis. Hope this help you in some form or fashion with your decision.
Posted by admin on under Breakup |
Moving on after a breakup can sometimes be a slow process depending on the individual and circumstances of the break up. This is because now that you are free from that relationship, it will take time to readjust to life without that significant other.
You may be wondering, when do you know you have moved on ? Well only you can answer that, you may have a new lover or even got married but your feelings for the past relationship are still there. This is why your partner in the new relationship may feel threatened by the ex because feelings sometimes never go away. Therefore a good tip is to keep the ex away especially if you still have feelings for him or her.
As mentioned before moving on after a breakup is totally dependent on the person. Some people move on faster than others because of various reasons. Persons who are attractive; have little commitments and who are active socially mesh back into the single life and dating easier than a person like a single mom or dad. However, there are things which can help make the transition easier.
Below we have formulated 7 tips which would help you move on after a breakup especially when you were in a long term relationship:
- Enjoy yourself: Is there anything that you once did and would like to start back doing? Is there anything which you were interested in and never had the chance to do? Well there is no better time to do these things than now. A break up is difficult and what you need to do when moving on is to keep your mind preoccupied with the things you like.
- Surround yourself with positive people: Moving on after a breakup does not have to be done alone. You have your family and friends there which are there to support you through this time. If you don’t have either there is nothing wrong with making new friends and having positive people around you.
- Focus on your goals: Self reflection is good and now that you are no longer in a relationship you should start re-looking your goals. Your goals can be as simple as acquiring a home, an education or raising the children as best as possible.
- Don’t blame or concentrate on the past relationship: It is normal to be thinking about your past relationship after you broke up unless you left the person for someone else. Everyone wonder what they could have done differently and you may blame yourself or spouse for the reasons the relationship ended. Whenever the thought comes across your mind stop it, and preoccupy yourself with something else to do.
- Take time to recover to get to know you: Moving on from a break up is not easy and now that you have time to yourself use it to recover and also rediscover who you are. Eventually you will start dating but let it happen when you are ready.
- Time to date and go looking: Well eventually this will happen since you are on the market you can looking to see what is out there. It is not a bad thing to start dating but don’t force yourself to start unless you have gone pass years in solitude.
- Get help: This mainly applies to persons who are in a state of constant depression after the relationship has ended. If you are still thinking about the relationship constantly after six months and can’t get pass it then you need help. You might not need to see a shrink or therapist but other alternive sources such as self help workshops.
If you would like some more detail help with moving on after a breakup then 
Posted by admin on under Breakup |
If you are wondering how to end a relationship the first thing you should be considering is what type of relationship exists currently and the type of partner you are dealing with. In dealing with a break up the most honourable thing to do is to break up face to face. Is this always possible? Of course not, if your partner is abusive or vindictive you may end up hurt physically when you try to end the relationship. Even partners who seem nice and calm will react differently when they are being told it is over. No one likes to be rejected or hurt so expect them to hit back the only question is how.
The first thing to do before you actually leave is to ensure you have everything together to move on. For those who do not live with their lover or have children this will be easy but for the others who share accommodations you need to consider the following:
- Where will you be living after the break up? Do you have to find someplace or will you be legally able to evict your partner?
- Are you financially in a position to move on? Can you hold on until you are financially ready? Can you acquire the support you need?
- How do you deal with issues like children visitation and support?
- Do you need legal advice? Do you need to put things forward legally before you proceed? (E.g. file for a divorce)
- Are you ready to leave the home at a moment’s notice when the break up occurs?
These are the first things you must consider when ending a relationship. Once you have everything together and you are comfortable then it is time to proceed. Remember when you are thinking about leaving someone you can never leave anything to chance. A normal calm person will sometimes surprise you so do not be thrown a curve ball.
The best way to break up is to bite the bullet and do it face to face providing your partner is the average type of person (non abusive etc). There is a right way to say it is over and a wrong way. There are a number of things to take into consideration. Below are some tips of how to end a relationship face to face:
- Talk to your spouse calm, openly and honest: Keep the talk open and honest and to the point. Avoid being blunt about sensitive topics such as impotence, lack of sex appeal etc. Highlight the good things about the relationship and the good qualities in the person that you have noticed. Then you need to say what things actually force you to the decision you are making and that you gave it a lot of thought.Also include the plans for after the break up such as accommodations, children visitation etc (these are not hard fast and the spouse should have an input). Have the answers there before there are asked.
- Never do it in a public place: Your relationship is private and a break up in an open area can draw attention to you. Your partner is likely to react and because of the public embarrassment you may retaliate in a way you would not have if it was behind closed doors. A public break up is not how to end a relationship, always try where possible to do it privately. If necessary bring a friend along if you need support.
- Expect them to hit back: Ending a relationship will usually hurt your spouse. This is because they have may still have feelings for you or the fact they are being rejected is overwhelming or both. He or she may call you names like slut, cheater, cheating whore and a whole number of creative things. Your spouse may even start getting physical (breaking things, maybe try to attack you). Try to remain calm because if you don’t become agitated chances are the aggression will be subdued. If the situation is becoming too heated then leave. You can communicate with the details of the break up at a later date.
- Look out for the question why?: Be prepared for all possible questions about why the relationship is ending. Do not leave your spouse pondering about why you are leaving. That is not how to end things. Be open and honest and as detailed as possible.
- Be prepared for tears and guilt: Guilt trips and tears are sometimes plentiful in a break up so be prepared. It is hurtful to know you are hurting someone else but it cannot be avoided. You need to be strong at this time and be considerate to the person’s feelings or at least seem that way.
Break ups are never easy and this is the purpose of our article on “how to end a relationship” . It will give you some guidelines and tips to make the relationship break up move a little smoother. Please remember that this article refers to breaking up with an ordinary person. If your spouse is abusive or violent then it is perfectly ok to break up indirectly. Please look at our article on the ways to break up for more details.
