Posted by admin on July 24, 2011 under Infidelity | 
Surviving infidelity often seems as an impossible task because the experience is usually so overwhelming. When you discover your spouse has been unfaithful to you it is usually one of the most painful situations you can deal with. Anyone who had this experience would know that recovery is hard and it takes time. This is especially if you had to deal with infidelity for the first time in your life. Many persons go into a state of depression because of it and to this day have never recovered. The key to someone who is trying to survive infidelity is their will to overcome it and move on with their life. You literally determine how long you will take to recover.
Infidelity does not only affect you but also your family, friends and children. Therefore if your love ones know about your situation or see a change in your behaviour it will affect them emotionally as well. This is why the faster you can move on the better it is for everyone. Let them be your motivation if anything.
The first step we will take is a “surviving infidelity” self analysis of yourself. This is to determine where you are and where you are going. The self analysis must include the following points, and answer the following questions:
1. Where are you emotionally and in general? Which part of this ordeal affected you the most? How do you feel towards your partner or ex currently?
2. How has this ordeal affected you? How has it affected your love ones? Give specific answers and examples (such as losing weight, depression etc).
3. How well do you think you are dealing with the infidelity? Rate yourself from 1 to 10 and give reasons why you gave that answer.
4. Where do you want to be emotionally? What are your other goals in life? What is the target time if any for these goals? This does not only refer to career but family goals as well.
5. How important is moving on to you?
6. What are the things you think you do can to help your recovery? What do you think you need to do to improve your rating in question 3? Can you do it alone or do you think you need someone to talk to?
You will now be getting some ideas and thoughts on how to survive infidelity in your life. The key is that you must be totally honest with yourself. This way you will definitely reap the benefits you will be looking for. Make sure to write everything down somewhere safe because the next step will be to create a plan on how you will cope with everything. This is the tool you will use to help you recover from infidelity. There are some Dos and Don’ts when you are putting your plan together. Since this is the final stage and most important stage we have created a mini guide. For more details on creating the plan take a look at our planning to cope with infidelity article.
Another recommendation would be to start a journal on how you are surviving infidelity. This will help you to keep track of your progress during this journey. This also helps you to keep a constant self assessment as things in your life change. It will definitely motivate you when you see where you are and also where you came from.
If you are interested you can subscribe to this free e course on affairs in a relationship then 
Posted by admin on under Infidelity |
When coping with infidelity, the best thing you could do is to create a plan or strategy. This section is actually the second part of a self assessment. The first part of this series is titled “surviving infidelity”. If you haven’t read it before then you might want to do so before proceeding. After you have assessed where you are and where you want to be the next step is a plan to achieve it. We have created a few guidelines to assist you in this. Nothing is writing in stone and these are only guides and not absolutes. You must ultimately decide what works best for you since you are the one trying to cope with cheating in your relationship. The main thing is to write everything down and also to work your strategy. Leaving it there to catch dust does not help you in anyway.
Below are some outlines to your plan to coping with infidelity:
Keep a journal: This really helps you to vent your feelings whether good or bad. Keeping things inside leads to prolong suffering mentally because the thoughts keep coming up and you are not dealing with them. Write them down and reflect on where you are everyday. You will soon realise you are doing better than you thought. You can see where you were and how well you have coped as time progresses.
Learn more about infidelity: Are you wondering why your spouse cheated? Are his or her answers not adding up? Do not remain confuse because chances are, your partner has not been completely honest with you about why it did happen. Sometimes they don’t know why it happened either. The question, “why did you do this to me?” is
usually on the minds of persons who are trying to deal with infidelity. The best way to put this to rest is to read up on the topic. We have an article on why people cheat and this is a good start. There are other resources found on this website which you can also use and combine them with the particulars of your situation to come to your own conclusion. This may even help you to decide whether the relationship is worth keeping.
Join a forum or support group: There are forums which deals explicitly with persons who are trying to cope with infidelity. They consist of people who are going through the same problem as you or has gone through a similar ordeal. They would offer great support because they know how you feel and what you are going through.
Reward yourself: Is there something which you have always wanted to do? Is there something you like to do which you haven’t done in a long time? This is your time now so enjoy it. Trips and mini vacations are great to take your mind off of your cheating spouse.
Surround yourself with positive people: This is usually the time when your true friends stand out and shine. Coping with infidelity can be a one man or woman show if you want it to be but it doesn’t. As the saying goes good friends and support will see you true.
Talk to someone: Usually this is a friend, family or other persons who you know that can give good advice is confidential. They character is such that you believe they would give an unbiased opinion or just listen. This really help you cope with the fact your were cheated on.
Counselling: If you find that things are too much even with the recommendations above the next step will be counselling or therapy. If you are still with your partner or have plans to reconcile your marriage or relationship it is recommended you go together. This is because if you do have problems then it will be affecting not you but your partner and the relationship. The counsellor may decide to see you individually for some sessions but get your spouse and lover involved in the start.
Although the conventional method is to see the person face to face there are other methods like over the internet (via skype etc) or through the phone. Coping with infidelity in a relationship definitely have a lot more resources than it did a few years ago.
If you would like to find out more about how you can deal with infidelity then
Posted by admin on under Infidelity, Uncategorized |
The consequences of infidelity were previously swept under the rug because no one really wanted to speak about it. Infidelity itself is a taboo we shy away from and usually think the consequences are pretty simple but there are not. Matter a fact the consequences of infidelity has been the same for years but we are now in an age where the repercussions are more defined and are explained. In this article we will discuss some of the key issues which will arise due to your spouse or lover being unfaithful. It is nothing to hide or be ashamed of but you need to know the possible outcomes. Once you are aware you can make a more informed decision but the first thing is to know whether he or she is cheating on you. (Please review our article on how to catch a cheating spouse for more details)
Infidelity will not only affect you but your friends, love ones and children. The most dangerous result of your spouse cheating is you catching a sexual transmitted disease (Aids etc). It doesn’t make a difference if you are married or committed. The fact remain that if your cheating spouse or lover has sex with someone (whether friend, prostitute) who is infected then he or she may become infected as well.
If you then in turn have unprotected sex with your lover then you will be infected. Diseases have no preference for 
married people over other types of relationship. The truth is that over 60% of people in marriages have at some time engaged in sexual activity outside of marriage. In this statistic a small percentage (approx 4%) has caught a STD (sexual transmitted disease). It may be small but you do not want to be in one of the statistics especially with Aids or Gonnorhea.
Let’s imagine you have caught HIV from your cheating lover, consider how this will affect you in life. This is one of the consequences of infidelity many people do not want to face today. Currently HIV has no cure however there are treatments which help. The road you will travel after you are diagnosed will be a long and hard one not only for you but your family, friends and children. The fact is many people die within 10 years of contracting the disease and this is mainly due to them being diagnosed late. Can you imagine having a young daughter and son and not being able to see them graduate? Can you imagine how hard life will be for your children after you die? This is why you should always deal with infidelity if not for yourself it should be for your family and children’s sake (if you have any). Dealing with infidelity is not always easy but after you catch your spouse cheating something must be done. This is whether you leave or remain in the relationship.
Although catching a STD is on the top of the list when talking about consequences of infidelity there are other impactful consequences.
Related articles:
Confronting a cheating spouse
